Theory: Everyone is just pretending to know what they’re doing

Today, I had a fight with a FedEx printer. That’s right, a printer. I swiped my card and plugged in my USB six times, muttering furiously under my breath, before finally realizing the resume I was failing to print for tomorrow’s day of networking was in the wrong format.

In my defense, I was severely sleep-deprived and not functioning at full capacity—gonna go ahead and blame Carolina basketball for that one. But that dumb little story is a perfect snapshot of the ridiculous life I lead: often silly and full of mistakes that, hopefully, facilitate growth. Either way, it’s pretty evident I absolutely do not have it together yet, no matter how much I’m about to act as if I do tomorrow.

I am very likely projecting here, but I’ve been convinced for a while now that everyone is secretly a mess. I’m pretty sure everyone is just winging it and doing things by trial and error. Social media makes it easy to cloak it in self-congratulatory LinkedIn posts, amazing pictures, and polished profiles, but that doesn’t mean the messiness isn’t there.

In all fairness, work ethic and hard skills vary person to person, but I’m not really talking about how put together people are professionally. I’m talking life stuff.

Personally, I’m a lot more composed and organized in work situations. The pressure of the workplace usually zaps me into efficient, alert responsibility mode. It’s a lot easier to have your professional life together than the rest of it (and I’m hoping this gets easier after college, but somehow I doubt it). I think a lot of people might relate, even if they don’t talk about it.

Aren’t adults just large children, pretending they can do it all? Some are very good at this, but I theorize it involves the occasional breakdown over a pint of ice cream or a bottle of some kind. I’m not sure anyone actually knows what they’re doing at any given moment.

Here are some examples to demonstrate my point:

Exhibit A: U.S. government. Its members don’t get what they want, so, naturally, they throw tantrums and shut the whole country’s governing body down. They do not learn from the past; this happens more than once in one decade. Brava! Bureaucracy is so effective. In the immortal words of Queen Michelle Obama, “I have been at every powerful table you can think of. They are not that smart.”

Exhibit B: The FedEx guy today who blinked at me, shrugged, and walked away when I asked him about the stubborn printer. He clearly had no idea what was going on. Fortunately, I was able to figure it out on my own. This reinforced an important life lesson: Unless you know someone is reliable, depending on them is usually a mistake. Because they, too, are just pretending they know what’s going on.

Exhibit C: Every single human-caused PR crisis from the last couple of years. Honestly, it’s ludicrous. You’d think that after the backlash caused by racially insensitive screw-ups from brands like H&M and Pepsi, others would’ve learned by now to avoid anything that comes off as racist. But in 2019, fashion brands and politicians alike are seeing the results of having dabbled in blackface. One of said politicians even almost moonwalked during his apology speech before his wife stopped him, and he’s still employed. I’m never doubting my employability ever again.

Exhibit D: Basically everyone I’ve talked to in the past month. Granted, many of these people have been college students—nearly all stressed, depressed, and a collective royal mess—so my sample is obviously skewed. However, I’m owning this biased perspective. Everyone is just acting as if their life isn’t in shambles, but I know the truth.

In all seriousness, I think authenticity is something that’s really rare today. From plastic surgery to digital highlight reels, a lot of the media I’ve been consuming rings hollow and feels artificial. It’s why I find the friends I’ve made at Carolina and shows like Black Mirror so refreshing: They’re raw and real. Black Mirror captured it perfectly in the episode “Nosedive” when it conveyed that pretending to be perfect is not a path that leads to happiness. All it does is make you feel empty.

I believe that acknowledging flaws and admitting errors are key to fostering growth. And I know that it’s okay to stop pretending for a moment that I have it together—at least for the next few hours while I dream about frolicking with puppies in a field (i.e. therapy for college kids). After that, it’s time to put on my adult face again. It’s networking time.